So there you are, in a mall, at a bar, in a library, in class, minding your own business...and then bam! You get hit with a wall of funk that would make even a zombie gag. Your nose hairs catch on fire and your gag reflex nearly explodes because it triggers so fast. You have been violated in the worst of ways, you my friend have been crop dusted.
It really sucks, doesn't it?
Somewhere in that crowd you are in someone is giggling their ass off, or they are heading to the bathroom to clear out a five day burrito binge. Either way they leave a very noticeable trail of their movements, but yet you wouldn't dare try to track them. The only good thing about this biohazard attack is that you usually are not the sole victim. People in your immediate area will begin cough, wave their hands in front of them like they are being attacked by butterflies, and there is always someone who plugs their nose and yells "WHO SHIT??" These signs are always very good warnings for you to avoid a contaminated area. Watch for these signs and avoid entering that toxic cloud as best you can.
This being my 8th year doing trivia, and as of January 1st will be the 3rd anniversary of Showtime Trivia, I am at public locations a lot. Which means by pure statistics I have encountered my fair share of crop dusting. Let me tell you, it's just not funny. It's very difficult to read questions when your eyes are watering, let alone just trying not to breathe. I have also witnessed many times people in a section of a bar come running away from that area, drinks in hands and hands over noses. Ok, that's kind of funny, I will admit.
It's just not funny when it happens to me, that's all.
Oh sure, I admit I have crop dusted a time or two myself. Perhaps even would go to the mall with a long escalator, crop dust the whole time while going up, then stand at the top and watch as people were taken slowly through the cloud and their inevitable doom. I would howl with laughter at people talking on phones and to each other one second, then the electric stairs of "imminent about to inhale poop molecules" would take them through the wall of funk and suddenly they were in a Pepe Le Pew cartoon. Hysterical.
However, my friends, I must ask that for all of our safety and well being, you withhold such releases until either outside, at home, or in a bathroom. Please.
Or...on an escalator...as long as I am not on it.
Comments? Feedback? Join in on the Bitching?
Email irishboon@aol.com and I will post all comments the following week.
Share your crop dusting stories with us!
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Even hotnesses fart.
See if you can figure out who cut the cheese.
Achievement Earned: Crop Dusting Congress
Even fish are not safe from crop dusting. Oh the humanity.
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