Ok, so we have all been in a men's room. Yes, even you ladies. Don't lie and say that you didn't bumrush a men's room when there is a line 20 women deep for your stalls. You did it, let's just accept that and move on.
So we have all been in them, and we all know what adventures they can be. I could bitch about many things about a men's room. Like the constant funk, the guy who always lets one rip while at the urinal (dude, I am RIGHT next to you) or the fact that no matter how high the urinals are there is always piss and pubic hair on top of the urinals. Who uses these things that they can get piss and hair up there anyway?
No today I just want to bitch about one thing, and one thing alone: men's rooms that have urinals strategically placed so that when you open the door...bam! the urinal is right there.
Right out in the freakin' open.
Now some bathrooms try to put up little half-wall shields, and some bathrooms put the urinals around a corner. But most of the rooms I have been to (especially in bars) the urinals are right there. Open the door and you get a big ol' Christmas surprise early.
Seriously? Is this really what bars/restaurants want? Do you think I *want* people walking by and watching me piss, and I am pretty sure most people don't want to see me draining the lizard either. Well, hopefully most of you. For those of you that enjoy that sort of thing...ewww. Just...ewww...
I have no problem going anytime anywhere (I know you are excited to hear that) but for those dudes that have performance anxiety it must really suck. Nothing like finally being able to coax the turtle out of the shell when the door flies open and the line of women all look into the bathroom at the same time. Now THAT is intimdating. I usually just wave and smile (with my free hand) and comment how cold and deep the urinal water is. That usually gets them to turn away quickly. Usually.
I have actually been to men's rooms in certain shady bars that didn't even have doors to get in. No doors on the entrance and no doors on the stall, either. Talk about hardcore stuff there. It's an exhibitionists wet dream. Yuck.
So with that I yet again maybe a humble and simple request: give us men some privacy, and let us get back some of that very little dignity that we have left. Then we can worry about other things in the men's room, like sitting down to squash one out and realizing that there is no toilet paper *after* the deed is done. Shenanigans.
Comments? Feedback? Join in on the Bitching?
Email irishboon@aol.com and I will post all comments the following week.
Share your worst men's room story with us!
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Women just find this hysterical. Ha, freakin' Ha.
Do we put pictures up of guys in ladies' rooms with our hands held wide to show how fat your ass is? Noooo.....
At some point in a guy's life he walks in to see this. Best to just back...away...slowly.
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