As I do my shows at different locations from time to time I see on one of the many bar TVs an absolute abomination of television. The name of that waste of air time is called The World Poker Tour. Or, to be more general, any show that involves people playinng Texas Hold'Em on TV.
I would rather watch grass grow, watch paint dry, or have my nails filed to a nub by a power sander than sit and watch 5 minutes of that absolute rubbish. Seriously, it's that bad.
Now some of you may be saying "hey, it's not rubbish! It's poker!" and I can understand that. Please note that I am not bashing poker per se. I love to play poker as a matter of fact. Have lost many months of rent and/or mortgage and maybe even a car or ex-girlfriend (who knew the guy had a flush?) to poker. Doesn't mean that I want to watch a bunch of yahoos on the screen whooping and hollering like they are actually good at anything.
You see my friends, poker, and Texas Hold'Em specifically, is truly about luck. People will try to tell you that there is a great deal of skill involved, and that is a lie. Big. Fat. Lie. There is *some* skill involved, but very little. Let me give you a little example of what I mean:
If you were to play one on one basketball with any NBA player 10 times, how many games out of 10 do you think you would win? Unless you are another NBA player, the answer is going to be zero. Now if you were to play the best player in the world like LeBron James, would you even score a point in 10 games? You might, if you threw up a prayer and got lucky, but chances are you would get smoked every single game.
Now then, play the top WPT players in the world in one on one poker. Could you win? Ummm...yes, yes you can. Why? It's very simple. You get a great hand, they get a slightly less great hand, you both go all in, bang you win. Just like that.
Explain to me again how Hold'Em is all about skill. Go ahead. I am listening. Ok, not really, I am not listening, because it's all crap.
Now to be fair I actually started to watch the WPT shows at first because I thought, silly me, that I would actually learn something valuable from watching all that poker. I thought I could learn strategies, tips, tricks, and even learn how to pick up on tells. If those shows had focused on that, then I would not be bitching about them. No, instead they show you when people go all in and you know someone is going to get bounced because otherwise they wouldn't be showing it. Those tournaments last for days, and they cut down the actual playing to 60 minutes. It's crap, and I call Shenanigans on the whole thing. I did learn something from all that though. Yes, it's crap. That's what I learned.
I also really, really hate it when the shows put people at a table all by themselves with a stack of chips and make them look like badasses. Really? Seriously? These are tools with the ability to sit there inbetween Chik Fil A nugget breaks and not act like fools. Like they have done anything at all remotely worth giving them prime airtime. Please. And don't get me started on the announcers. You really have to have a play by play guy and a color commentator. For poker? Really? Doesn't it insult your intelligence when a guy shows the camera he has a pair of 2's and the announcer says "...and Jones is holding a pair of 2s". Hey thanks for that brilliant insight there ESPN-failed wannabe. Holy crap if you hadn't told me he has a pair of 2s I would not have believed my own eyes! Makes me want to puke. My favorite is celebrity poker on TV. Makes me want to poke my own eyes out.
So I am truly, truly waiting for the day when this whole WPT fad fades into the background like Survivor, Octomom, JLo, and The Grammy Awards. Anyone actually watch the Grammys anymore? You do? Really? You lie. Nobody watches that sham of an Awards show anymore. Boooorrring. But when the day comes where WPT is relegated to a late night time slot on the Spike channel I will be very happy indeed. Get that trash off my TV and let us play poker in peace. Bleh.
Comments? Feedback? Join in on the Bitching?
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COMMENTS
From Jon:
Two words - Shana Hiatt. Did you see the episode in season 2 or 3 where she's on the beach in a bikini at the Aruba classic? Gratuitous cleavage is always a winner. Back to you Mike and Vince in the booth.
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How cool are these tools? I love the shades. Nice touch doosche bag.
Ohmygod there is a DVD? The WPT is evil, and it MUST be stopped.
Yes! I win! I win! Now I can finally afford to get laid!
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