The Showtime Trivia Trivia Pilot Script by AJ Newirth

INT. CLASSROOM - DAY

SUPER: "Elementary School: 1993."

Stale air. Bored students fill a stale elementary school classroom. A lifeless American flag lists southward. A RICKETY oscillating fan HUMS. Blue, White, and Gold tri-colored ribbon strings flail before it.

FRANK GARRAHY, malevolent, grizzled old teacher, goosesteps up and down the silent, sullen rows of students. Footfalls ECHO off the chalkboard covered walls. His sneer showcases and highlights coffee, cigarette-yellowed teeth.

An elementary school student, AJ NEWIRTH, sits at his desk. Cradles head in his hands. He gazes through the window, disconnected.

Papers in hand, Frank doles out graded tests to their owners.


FRANK
Mister PACHINO, C plus. Much improved.

Frank traipses onward.

FRANK
Ms. STEWART, B minus. For you, an immense failure.

Frank continues his insults. Presides over AJ. CLEARS throat.

AJ remains transfixed on a squirrel. Outside, it scampers about.

The class GIGGLES.

Frank slams the desk with his palm. AJ snaps to attention.


YOUNG AJ
Wha- I mean, three.

FRANK
Mr. Newirth. So glad you could join us.

He presents the sheet test to the class.

FRANK
F plus.

AJ grabs it, holds in front of his nose. Smiles.

YOUNG AJ
F Plus? I'm getting better.

FRANK
No, Mr. Newirth, your answers are becoming less stupid. You are and will always be stupid. You'll never be anything but a class clown. A jester. An amusement to the masses.

AJ squares to Frank.

YOUNG AJ
Well then, I guess it's...

CUT TO:

INT. DEER PARK TAVERN - NIGHT

Deer Park Tavern, a bar, bustles with regular bar activities. Tables full. Customers mull around. Waiters and waitresses serve trays of food, pitchers of beer.

AT THE FRONT

AJ Newirth, now a young man, sits behind a table. An mp3 player, sound system, separate him from the crowd. He speaks into the mic.

AJ
...Showtime Trivia. I'm your host AJ. You're at Deer Park Tavern. Tonight we begin season 14. As always, you're playing for the sacred tin trophy and a cool hundred dollars in cash. Not to mention, bragging rights until season 15. We'll get started in just a minute, so if you haven't signed in yet, come on up, say hi and get your papers and pencils.

He sets the microphone down. Presses play. MUSIC begins.

INT. DEER PARK - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

KEITH PERKINS, medium built man, enters Deer Park. He carries a small tin trophy under his arm.

The plaque on the trophy reads: "SHOWTIME TRIVIA CHAMPS".

He heads to his team's tables.


LOUD conversations abound. Action pauses as team names are revealed.

INSERT: "UNDESIREABLES." (UND)

Action continues. In unison:

GROUP
Keith!

He sets the trophy down on their table, sits.

To their right.

Three COPS sit (MIKE, ANDREW, JEFF) drink. Each sports a black t-shirt boasting the word "POLICE" in bold white letters. Mike glances at the boisterous table.

The action pauses as the team names are revealed.

INSERT: "I SMELL BACON." (ISB)

Action continues. ANDREW ribs JEFF, points to trophy. The two men scoff.

JEFF
We got this.

ANDREW
F'n a right we got this.

They continue their discussion, MOS.

INT. DEER PARK TAVERN - NIGHT - LATER

AJ SPEAKS into the mic.

AJ
It looks like we're ready to get going. You all know the rules.

SHOUTS of excitement.

AJ CONT.
Round number one, your point values are 1, 3, and 5; you'll receive two bonus points for a trifecta. Your categories: "Anagrams," "Monopoly Odds," and "Animal Kingdom."

Beat.

AJ CONT.
Question number one, Anagrams: Reposition the letters in, "built to stay free" to reveal the name of an enduring landmark, located in the United States.

A BUZZ rises from the crowd as all attempt to answer the questions.

INT. DEER PARK - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

A blond, bearded, eye-glassed man in a Hawaiian shirt, JASON STAM, approaches Keith, trophy. He carries a pitcher, cups.

JASON
Mr. Perkins.

KEITH
Mr. Stam.

Keith turns to another teammate, KIM.

KEITH
Kim; Statue of Liberty. Big points. Jason eyes the trophy.

JASON
Good call. I see you brought the trophy.

KEITH
Good luck charm.

JASON
Being that it's your birthday isn't luck enough?

An attractive girl, teammate, BETH, approaches Keith. Grabs him by the shoulders. They kiss.

BETH
Nice answer. Happy Birthday, stud!

KEITH
How bout one more for good luck?

BETH
Do well now... be bad later.

She winks. Returns to her drink, conversation.

JASON
Touche.

Jason pours beer from the pitcher. Raises the cup, toasts.

JASON
Happy Birthday to our most valuable teammate... and to a repeat victory!

All toast, drink.

Jeff leans over to Jason and Keith, smiles.


JEFF
Fellas, win first, celebrate second.

JASON
We're going back to back. Look at all these losers.

Jason glances around the room at the competition.

MIKE
You have to beat us too, you know.

KEITH
Don't the police usually do the beating, Rodney King?

Andrew reacts quick, angry.

ANDREW
You little punk! Better watch how much you're drinkin' birthday boy.

Jeff and Mike restrain him.

MIKE
We're here to play trivia, Andrew. Just relax. Ignore him. You know what the chief said about that temper.

Andrew pokes his finger at Keith.

ANDREW
Just watch yourself, smart ass. Or you'll get a jail cell for your birthday.

Jason rings arm around Keith, leads him away from ISB's table.

INT. DEER PARK - NIGHT

AJ scores a sheet of paper.

AJ
Question number one, Anagrams: Reposition the letters in, "built to stay free" to reveal the name of an enduring landmark, located in the United States.

Beat.

AJ CONT.
"Statue of Liberty."

Teams celebrate. He continues.

AJ CONT.
Many many teams went big points on that question, and many many teams are on the verge of a trifecta...

Teams celebrate as the game continues.

INT. DEER PARK TAVERN - NIGHT - LATER

AJ CONT.
Tight game so far, lets see if you guys can keep it up. Question number seven, Chocoholic. What candy company makes the candy bar known as Zero?

MUSIC begins as teams confer.

INT. DEER PARK - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

NICK, post college age, sits at the bar. Wears a sullen look. Drinks beer.

The action pauses as team names are revealed.


INSERT: "ODD COUPLES." (OC)

Action continues. Nick's other teammates, STEPHANIE, KRISTEN, BRAD, sit at the table near him.

The trio discuss answers, scribble words on the answer slip. Nick glances over. Lingers. Approaches the table.

Stephanie looks to Nick, then away angry. Brad noticeably drunk, SHOUTS.


BRAD
It's M & M's. I know the candy. Do you know them? The M's? Little candy M's.

Trails off.

KRISTEN
No Brad. That's not right.

STEPHANIE
It could be. Think of a candy counter. Or a vending machine!

Nick chuckles. She glares at him.

STEPHANIE
What? You have something to add? Nick hugs the bottle in his hands. He falters, regains footing. Edges closer. Slurs.

NICK
Of course I do.

STEPHANIE
Of course you do.

KRISTEN
Steph. You don't have to --

STEPHANIE
I told him not to come. You gonna stop drinking long enough to --

NICK
Hersheys. Thas the answer. Lock it up. Big points.

Brad SLAMS the table with his free hand. Drinks. Smiles.

BRAD
Yeah Odd Couples! Damn Nick, how did --- High five!

KRISTEN
Bradley! Do NOT take his side.

Brad slumps back into his stool. Nick reaches for the paper, pencil.

NICK
Here, gimme.

Stephanie intercepts, snatches them ahead of him.

STEPHANIE
Oh no. You aren't on the team anymore.

Nick stops. Returns to the bar. Orders another.

Stephanie writes, throws pencil onto table. Stands and walks answer to AJ. She extends her hand with slip. He smiles at her, grabs it.


AJ
Thanks.

STEPHANIE
We went big points.

AJ
Confidant.

STEPHANIE
Fo show.

AJ LAUGHS. Stephanie returns to her table.

AJ
All answers in please. All answers in.

A few more teams drop off their answers. AJ marks a score sheet. He stops when he arrives at Stephanie's slip.

LAUGHS, shakes head.


INT. DEER PARK - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

The music ends. AJ picks up his microphone.

AJ
Number seven, Chocoholic. What candy company makes the candy bar known as Zero? Well, I'll tell you, my mom does not make candy. LAUGHER erupts. AJ continues.

AJ CONT.
My favorite answer: "Nick, you are a drunk embarrassment. Go home." Possibly true, but sorry, no points. No, the correct answer: "Hersheys."

At the OC table. Nick approaches.

NICK
Yeah, we'll you're a whore.

STEPHANIE
Go home, you drunk douche!

Kristen interrupts, noticeably irritated.

KRISTEN
Just stop already! You're gonna lose it for us.

Brad remains noticeably intoxicated, confused.

BRAD
Didn't we say Hersheys? I don't get it. He said Hersheys. Did we get that?

STEPHANIE Okay okay. I'm sorry.

KRISTEN
Nick, you can stay. Just stay the hell away from Steph.

NICK Finally.

Nick takes a seat next to Brad. Brad smiles.

BRAD
My man!

The game continues.

INT. DEER PARK TAVERN - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

Undesirables table ERUPTS in celebration. Keith continues to drink. He becomes more intoxicated as the night rolls on.

Mike, Andrew, Jeff look on.


ANDREW
I can't believe that ignorant little puke.

JEFF
Chief warned you Andrew. You went through all that anger management for what? To get kicked off the force over some asshole at a bar?

Andrew takes a long, reflective drink.

Then:


ANDREW
Not just him, the fact that his team won it all last season.

MIKE
They only edged us by 4 points. An early trifecta.

ANDREW
Right, and who got all those answers for them?

JEFF
Kid's smart.

ANDREW
Naw, kid's a smart ASS.

JEFF
You can't go getting all violent on him. We protect and serve, remember?

ANDREW
What if I didn't get violent?

MIKE
Christ man, how many times I gotta tell you, tasers are violent.

ANDREW
Nah, not that. Wait here.

Andrew stands, disappears into the men's room.

JEFF
He's up to something.

The two continue to drink, play trivia.

INT. DEER PARK TAVERN - NIGHT - LATER

AJ hosts trivia.

AJ
Round number six, our last round before final question, point values are 3, 5, and 7. 4 points for a trifecta. Your categories are: Common Symbols, Rain rain go away and Action Flicks.

AJ allows teams to jot these down.

AJ
Question number 17: What is the popular object, found in most American homes, that allegedly contains numerous Masonic symbols?

Teams busily scrawl down answers.

INT. DEER PARK TAVERN BATHROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

Andrew talks on his cell phone. One by one he checks the stalls for other patrons. All are empty. We can only hear his side of the conversation.

ANDREW
Right. Perkins. P, as in Paul.

Beat.

ANDREW CONT
Keith. Yeah, Delaware.

Andrew pulls out a memo pad, jots down information.

ANDREW CONT
Uh huh. Yeah, that's him. I need you to set it up within the hour. Yep. Great. Thanks.

Andrew ends the call. A devious, content smile materializes on his face. Exits the bathroom, and returns to the table.

ANDREW
What'd I miss?

JEFF
What are you up to?

ANDREW
Just doing my job, man. Protecting and serving.

He flags down the WAITRESS.

ANDREW
Hey sweetheart. Can I get a couple of Red Headed Sluts? Send 'em to the birthday boy over there.

He points to Keith at the Undesirables table.

MIKE
The hell you up to?

Andrew sits back, smiles.

ANDREW Like I said, protecting, and serving... shots. Let's just say "crowd control." Now, what was the question?

They confer MOS.

INT. DEER PARK TAVERN - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

AJ scans the score sheet. Then.

AJ
Question 17, Common Symbols: What is the popular object, found in most American homes, that allegedly contains numerous Masonic symbols? Dan Brown fans unite, of course it's the Dollar Bill

CELEBRATION erupts.

AJ CONT.
That one was easy. A little TOO easy? Question 18, Rain Rain Go Away: What US state receives the most rain on an annual basis of all the US states?

Teams discuss answers.

INT. DEER PARK TAVERN - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

Keith points to Kim.

KEITH
I know this. Hawaii.

He pauses as the waitress sets drinks on the table.

WAITRESS
...and the birthday boy gets these...

She sets a line of shots down in front of Keith.

WAITRESS
...from them.

She motions to ISB's table. Andrew waves. Thumbs up.

JASON
Drink up, boy.

Keith eyes the line of drinks. Grabs a shot. Hoists it to ISB, drinks.

Andrew smiles.


INT. DEER PARK TAVERN - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

Kristen, Brad, Stephanie and Nick confer. Steph still eludes Nick.

BRAD
We are doing so good right now!

KRISTEN
Sure honey. Keep drinking.

Kristen pats Brad on the back. He smiles.

Nick turns to Stephanie.


NICK
Why the hell can't you support me like that?

STEPHANIE Brad can hold his alcohol...

Brad, drunk, proudly lifts, holds his beer. Kristen covers eyes with hand.

STEPHANIE
You're always drunk! Sloppy drunk! And loud. Why are you so loud?! I can't talk to you when you're drunk. You don't listen. Then we fight. Like now! That's why I don't support you you stupid asshole.

Nick retorts with a swig of beer.

NICK
Well, then. Okay, whatever.

They continue in SILENCE.

INT. DEER PARK TAVERN - NIGHT - LATER

AJ marks the score sheet. Then.

AJ
What US state receives the most rain on an annual basis of all the US states? Many of you said Seattle, and many of you were wrong. Hawaii. They recieve about 480 inches of rain per year.

At Undesirables table.

A celebration breaks out. Keith attempts to stand, wobbles, falls back in seat. Jason heartily pats his shoulder.

Andrew observes. Laughs.


INT. DEER PARK TAVERN - NIGHT - LATER

AJ hosts.

AJ
For the final question, you may wager up to half of your total points. If you're on an uneven number, feel free to round up. Our final category is: Home of the Bright. Your question: In what northeastern state would you find the headquarters of General Electric? Good luck.

Music BEGINS. We see all the teams discussing, answering.

EXT. DEER PARK PARKING LOT - NIGHT

Trophy POV. The ground passes below, quick and unsteady. Around it, others walk to their cars. A car comes into focus, grows. A hand opens the car door.

Keith lumbers to the car, enters. Tosses the trophy into the back seat.

Beth enters the passenger side. GIGGLES.

Keith EXHALES loudly. Collects self, then starts car.

The vehicle lurches forward, exits parking lot.


INT. DEER PARK TAVERN - NIGHT

AJ SPEAKS into the mic.

AJ
All answers in please. All answers in.

He returns to scoring a sheet.

EXT. MAIN STREET - NIGHT

The car drives down Main Street. After a few moments, and several turns, Red and Blue lights appear up ahead.

Keith braces the wheel. He approaches the DUI CHECKPOINT. He is in a line of cars which slowly proceed forward.

An OFFICER approaches from behind. Keith rolls down the window. More cars gather behind him.


OFFICER
Good evening sir, maam.

KEITH
Evening officer.

OFFICER
Your destination?

KEITH
Just heading home, officer.

OFFICER
Any drinking tonight?

Keith turns to Beth. Beat. As Keith turns back to the officer, another man has approached the vehicle. It is Andrew.

ANDREW
Happy birthday buddy.

Officer and Andrew exchange words MOS. Then.

OFFICER
Sir, would you please pull the car over to the side?

Keith complies, Andrew softly sings.

ANDREW
Happy birthday to you... happy birthday to you...

The car comes to a stop on the side of the road. Cars continue onward, officers waiving them through without stopping.

INT. DEER PARK TAVERN - NIGHT

AJ
Your final question: Home of the bright: In what northeastern state will you find the headquarters of General Electric? Connecticut.

Teams CELEBRATE.

Jeff and Mike toast. Andrew is notably absent.


AJ
And with that, here are your final standings for season 14, week 1: Last place, betting it all and answering, "I told you not to come tonight Nick!", The Odd Couples...

At the OC table.

Brad begins to LAUGH with the rest of the bar. Kristen glares at Stephanie, shakes head.


KRISTEN
Bet it all, she says!

Steph turns away from Nick. Nick shrugs, drinks his beer.

AJ continues recapping scores.


EXT. MAIN STREET - NIGHT

Keith sits on the curb, handcuffed. Red and Blue lights reflect off of his face. He stares at the ground.

Andrew crouches beside him.


ANDREW Got anything smart to say now?

Keith remains silent.

ANDREW
Amazing. The smartest Undesirable, without anything to say? Well, I guess you better get used to it. I put a call in to the judge.

Keith looks up at Andrew. He glares, angry.

ANDREW
Don't worry. Your hearing will probably happen sometime before the end of the season 14.

Keith's angry stare melts. His eyes open wide.

BEAT.

INT. DEER PARK TAVERN - NIGHT

AJ closes the show.

AJ
...second place, 70 points, I SMELL BACON! And your winners of week 1, with 74 game points, The Undesirables!

The Undesirables CELEBRATE. Teams begin to clear from the bar.

AJ
Thank you all for coming out to Deer Park Tavern tonight. I'll see everybody next Thursday night, where no matter what the sign says, we play trivia at 8:30! Good night!

END.

FADE OUT.: